Loss

You will never be "old enough" to handle the loss of a parent. You shouldn't be expected to. How do you cope with the loss of a part of you? How you do come to terms with the realisation that your parent will never see your little daughter grow up?

I lost my father 2 months ago and I haven't grieved for him. Not because I wasn't close to him or being a parent myself, I'm old enough to handle it, but because the minute I break down and sob for him is the moment I will have to let him go. And I'm not ready to do that. Letting him go will be the most difficult thing I will ever do and I know I do not have the strength for that. 

I am the second of two daughters. Indians are largely son-crazy and my father was the happiest man alive with my sister and I. He never desired a son, nor did he rue that one of us wasn't a boy. It's tradition for Indian men to distribute sweets the day they become fathers. Very few do this when they become fathers the second time... to a second girl. He did. 

The loss is unbearable. Like an open wound that will not heal, that will not close, that will not let you forget that that part of you is not whole. There is no how-to for this. No quick fix. No five stages of grief. Nothing. It's sorrow at its darkest and worst. The light in this is the privilege of being the daughter of a man who respected her, loved her, protected her and will not leave her.

The one you can't have...

My latest love in music is Adele. I never really made an attempt to listen to her when she won all those Grammies, but somehow she found her way into my playlist a couple of days ago and man, I cannot get enough of her. I saw this video of her singing in Royal Albert hall, and she was so emotional about her song "Someone Like You". I must admit I cried a bit when I heard it for the first time. But listening to her talk about the song and the man who inspired the song is heartbreaking. She's sold millions of records, made millions, won Grammies, but she cannot have the one thing she really wants... It really broke my heart to see cry on stage. Seeing such a beautiful, talented, successful person cry over a relationship we sometimes take for granted kind of jerks things back into perspective right?

Check out the video here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9zmAv5bNug

Schumacher doesn't need your SEO-optimised letters...

Michael Schumacher emerged from coma and the world let out a sigh of relief. Websites tripped over themselves to write about it and linkbacks to older stories they'd done on the legend peppered the update on his health. Every single SEO-friendly word was in place, tags all perfectly done, keywords shoved in, published with perfect headlines to grab the attention of the reader and of course search engines. I stumbled across one such "letter to Schumacher" and couldn't decide whether I should be crying for the state he is in, or for the fact that when he is able to sit up and read, he'll read these pseudo "we-love-you-schumi" pieces, or at the pathetic sample of SEO-journalism.

The soul behind reporting or even writing an opinion  is lost. And the saddest part is at times the job is so shoddy that you can actually see the words are just slapped together to make a vaguely coherent sentence, but one that a search engine might immediately pick up.

I cannot even bring myself  to be in his wife's shoes for the tiniest bit. The pain and anguish she feels right now is something no wife should ever have to experience and yet there she is living her worst nightmare. Her heart might have pounded with fear every time he got behind the wheel and to think a holiday is where he stopped being the Schumacher we know.

So I think "reporters" need to stop writing letters to him and dissecting his life. You've got enough hits for your website on his name. Now just leave that family alone and let the man recuperate. He doesn't need your stupid letters to get him through this.

I like the new Honda advert for not texting while driving. It's effective, speaks to you and is very current. While it gets the message across that texting while driving might kill you, I would like more people to address the possibility that while you might not die, because you're in your car, you just might kill someone else. In a country like ours, where two-wheelers sometimes out number the cars on the road, something like this happening is a very real thing. I have seen drivers checking their phones while driving slowly veering off course and jerking back once they're done, while bikers who ride behind them get pushed towards the divider or the curb and run the risk of crashing when the driver suddenly jerks back into his lane.

How does one deal with this attitude of selfishness and complete disregard for rules or others' lives for that matter? If someone dies under the wheels of a car whose driver was texting is it not as bad as murder? I think these campaigns should carry a message of the probability of severe jail time. Can we have some campaigns to teach people to be mindful of others or is it too late? If they are so callous with their own lives is it a futile effort to make them aware of the lives of others? Should we start at the grass root level and have compulsory sensitivity training in schools to make children learn the importance of playing fair? Seems like something we should consider and quick..

Everything but the truth...

MH370 is a number that will not fade from our memories for a very long time. We lost a plane with 239 people on board. It's as though one minute they were there and the next minute not. Not one iota of information coming from governments can be believed because there's absolutely no proof backing it up. From a suicide mission to the plane being in Afghanistan, every single possibility has been thrown up ...everything but the truth. How is it that no one knows? To say this smells fishy is an understatement and one that is extremely insensitive to the people on board and their families struggling to make sense of this situation that none of us ever want to be in. My route to work is right past the airport and everyday I see at least 3 planes land. And every single day I feel immense grief for those families waiting at the airport for MH370 taxiing in.
Not finding a single piece of the plane is news I just cannot believe. From oil slicks to floating debris, every single lead has ended in nothing. Absolutely nothing. It took some countries days to come out and accept that they had tracked the flight on their radar. It's becoming amply clear that there is information on the flight, but is deemed too sensitive to release. That is the only explanation to searches ending in rescuers invariably barking up the wrong tree.

Is organic the answer?

Like all new mums I used to be paranoid about cleanliness. But as my "Little One" (LO) grew, I realised there was only so much I could protect her from. She would fall, get dirty, and make my heart go into arrhythmia every time her hand moved to her mouth. While the paranoia has ebbed a little I still find myself obsessing over her food and toys and general cleanliness around the house. But how clean is clean enough. I read this article on cookfoodeat and realised that a lot of things we cook at home aren't that clean to begin with. "Buy organic" says the last line after every "tainted" food image.

Tainted?

But how many of us can afford to buy organic? It isn't the cheapest food option, at least not here in India. Organic fruits and veggies aren't that economical. So what is the solution? Scrub our greens till we're convinced we've gotten rid of the pesticides and wash out most of the nutrients in the bargain? Or just pray we haven't picked the worst from the "mandi" while we serve our families.

Shel Silverstein's Masks

I love this poem by Shel Silverstein. It made me look within, analyse myself and ask how much of myself I had hidden over the years. This poem is something that's going to find a place on my wall very soon. 

This boat or that?

Dona Paula coastline

We as Indians generally have this mindset that anything that is not Indian is better. Now we have our preferences.. mind you. The further West, the better. I came across this piece on how Goans are entitled to Portuguese passports and how a number of them have already shifted loyalties based on the opening up of possibilities in the EU, but aren't ready to give up Indian citizenship. Greedy greedy. Read the full story here. 

Photograph by Mihails Ignats (National Geographic)

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." 

Mark Twain.